An Open Letter to the Lover who Wants to Bite Me

Dear Lover,

I knew that you had been eyeing me for a few days now. Every time I passed through the place, what you call ‘home’ and I call ‘a really smelly place’; I saw that sparkle in your eyes. However, I had never imagined that it has developed into something what you feel is LOVE. I know you gave me various signs like drooling over me (literally), breathing heavily around me, etc. etc. But I came to notice it only a few days back, when you decided to cross all your limits and follow me all the way home.

I was really annoyed at you. But then, my Mom saw you and fell for your ‘puss in the boots’ look. I told her about your feelings towards me. She neither got mad, nor did she ask you to leave our premises. She was completely in awe of you and asked me to feed you instead. Damn your cute looks! And since, that little act of love had raised your hopes, you decided to make it a daily thing.

I knew what was going on in your head (or maybe heart). I knew what plans you had for me. And I wish I could do something about it. But let’s face it – YOU ARE A DOG (for real). We are two different people (or should I say ‘beings’), with different ways of thinking, different upbringings and different eating and drinking habits. While I am more of a ‘Fame, Money and Awesomeness’ kind of person, you are more of a street guy. As much as I respect your feelings, there is no way we could be together, sweetheart.

And your ‘acts of love’ sometimes scare the hell out of me. Like the other day when I went cycling and happened to cross your path. Now as usual, I had my iPod’s earphones plugged into my ears. And what I can guess is that maybe you tried to call out to me with your woofs. Since I wanted to wake my brain from the slumber, I had my iPod on a full volume and failed to hear you (even telepathically). Out of nowhere, I saw you speeding beside me. In the horror of the moment, I failed to recognize it was you. All I can remember from a hazy memory is cycling as fast as I could; as an attempt to slowly start flying in the air. Well, that was not to happen. So, I kept cycling on and on and on, as you kept chasing me. After a while, you got really tired (which makes me think maybe you’re too old for me too) and stopped.

I understand how it must have been a real treat for you. I was all sweaty and sexy… oozing charm, our heartbeats racing at the same speed, us breathing heavily. But THAT’S IT!! That is the farthest I am going to let you go. I am not gonna take it anymore. What you want is really silly. You and me are NEVER gonna happen for obvious reasons; and I REALLY want you to stop trying to bite me, no matter how irresistible I am to you; neither as an act of love, nor as an act of anger (after you read this). Thanking you in advance.

Yours ‘Way out-of-league’ Crush.